Short Stories
by irritable-grizzley1240
Summary: I wrote the first one, then got bored and wrote another one. So I've decided to make this just a bunch of short stories. YAY! The goal for most of these is funny. So laugh. LAUGH!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns it. I don't, etc. teehee. giggle snort**

**a/n: This was written in one day. So don't judge me by it. **

Bella brushed another leaf out of her tangled hair, and itched at one of her many mosquito bites. For the seventeenth time, she wondered what had possessed Carlisle to buy a house in the middle of the woods. Just because the Cullens were a group of bloodsucking vampires that sparkled in the sunlight, doesn't mean they need to live so far away from civilization. God, it wasn't like they were trying to hide or anything…..

Bella giggled evilly and fidgeted with the video camera she was holding. Exited anticipation made her unable to sit still. But she really wasn't sure how to work the high-tech camera that Alice had given her to use. She settled with turning the video camera on and off. Over and over. Again and again. While not exactly technologically impaired, Bella was still not aware of the fact that she was killing the battery.

She heard a car door slam, and she whipped her head around. She fumbled with a camera, trying to turn it back on before it was too late. She held it up to her eye and waited. The lens trained on Edward's approaching figure. Out of the corner of her eye, Bella saw something small streak by, black hair blending with pale skin. She giggled again.

It happened quickly. One minute, Edward was walking up his driveway, humming some composition of his. The next, he was locked in life or (un)death battle with his adopted sister, Alice. Edward's look of surprise was visible even from where Bella was. "Alice?" He said. "Wha...What are you doing? What's going on?"

Another streak of color rushed at Edward. Rosalie had joined Alice in trying to pin Edward to the ground. Jasper and Emmett followed a second later. Now fighting four vampires, Edward realized that he had no chance of winning.

Alice let go of Edward's left arm, and stood up. Bella followed her with the camera. From what seemed like nowhere, Alice produced the ugly patchwork dress that she had rescued from the garage sale. As if anyone would have bought it anyway…..

She bent down, until she was just inches from Edward's confused and angry face. "I'm sorry Edward." She whispered. "I...I was out of blackmail. I needed to refresh my supply."

Bella was sure that if there had been any color in Edward's face in the first place, it would have drained away. A look of shocked panic marred his perfect features. "No." He whispered. "No……not again. Not that! Anything but that!" He struggled against the iron (marble?) grip of the four vampires, but nothing could have stopped his blackmail-determined siblings.

Alice paid no attention to Edward's desperate pleas. She wrestled the hideous dress over Edward's clothes. "Bella! Now!" She shouted over in the direction of the bush that Bella was hiding in. Bella popped up from behind the bush, and bounded over toward the group. Stumbling as she went, but never actually dropping the camera. She focused the camera on Edward's pained face, and then zoomed out so that his whole body was visible, in all its patchwork glory. Then the screen went black. The battery had died. Oh well, at least they still had Edward in the dress recorded.

"Bella….?" Came Alice's reprimanding voice. "Have you been messing with the camera?"

Bella blushed, shoved the camera into Alice's empty hands, and bolted. But before she reached then end of the Cullen driveway, her foot caught on some invisible snag, sending her, arms flailing wildly, to the ground. She picked herself up, wincing slightly, and attempted to escape with what little dignity she had left. But losing what little she had after falling for the forth or fifth time.

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**a/n: **

**Click the button. Now. It takes 30 seconds to write: "I hated it." Or: "It was awesome." (It has to be. It was by me wasn't it?) **


	2. Traffic

**Disclaimer: No. It's not mine.**

**a/n: I'm actually kind of satisfied with the end this time. Okay, Here goes.**

**traffic**

Honk!

"Edward!"

Honk!

"Stop it!"

Honk!

"Edward! Stop honking at them, they're not going to move. What happened to blending in? You're making more noise than anyone else. I thought vampires were good at waiting! Like to turn me into a vampire..." She muttered this last part. Which, really, considering Edwards hearing, was completely pointless. Edward however, chose to ingnore this comment. Bella leaned back into her seat, a little disgruntled.

"I'm sorry..."Said Edward. "I just…. _hate...going...slow_!!!!" With each word, he slammed his fist into the steering wheel in frustration, blasting the car horn to make his point. With a final slam of Edwards fist, The steering wheel let out an ominous creaking noise and a crack appeared right in the center, running from one end to the other..

"Aw damnit." Muttered Edward. And he too slumped back into his seat. Bella sighed, then let out an audible gasp. "Edward! Edward! Were moving! Look! Look!" She pointed unnecessarily at the dark green car in front of them, which was inching forward. Slowly, but it was defiantly moving steadily. Then it came to halt, only a few feet from where it had started. Edward stopped his volvo only a couple inches away from the back of the other car.

"We were so close!" Moaned Edward. Bella let out a groan, her face paler than usual, and pressed her face into the dashboard in front of her. "Ow." She said, her voice muffled by the plastic. She heard a car door slam, and she looked up. Edward was already striding away from her.

"Hey!" She stuck her head out the window. "Where are you going!?"

"To see why we're stopped." He called back. Louder, so her less sensitive ears could pick up what he was saying. "Can I come?" She asked. "No!" He called, his voice fading. "Please?" She called, desperate to escape sitting in the hot car for longer than she had to. "No!" He called again.

She got out of the car and followed anyway, tripping a few times over the uneven sidewalk. Edward glanced back at her, an exasperated look on his face. She gave him a bright smile back. He scowled.

Bella ran to catch up to him, stumbling over a stray piece of twisted metal, pitching forward face-first into the worst car wreck she had ever seen. Edward caught her before she landed, and they stood back to stare in awe at the mass of metal and broken glass.

The two cars had been reduced to a pile of twisted metal. It was difficult to see where one car ended and the other began. The strange thing was, the paramedics were huddled around one of the cars, completely ignoring the other, the one that was blocking traffic. "Bella." Edward whispered. "Go distract them somehow. I can move the car if no one is looking."

She nodded, used to his super-human strength by now. She took a deep breath, pointed her finger away from Edward, and shouted "Oh my god! He's getting away! Help! Police!" Then she ducked behind a bush, waiting for Edward to come get her. Hoping that nobody had seen her face.

He was there in a second, only staying long enough to whisper "Meet me at the car." in her ear. Then he was off again, running towards his car to fast for the human eye to detect. Bella stood up cautiously, then jogged to Edward's car making sure to keep her head down. But no one even glanced at her. She opened the door and slid in, just as traffic started moving again.

What was with that accident? She asked, a little breathless. As Edward steered the car forward.

Edward looked at her, his face serious. "That" He said "Is what happenes if you distract Emmett while he's driving"

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